asher's gift

i recently decided to start blogging again
and looking through my posts,
i discovered these words
written february 10th, 2008
still waiting in drafts
to be posted.
so i am posting them today
on his 13th birthday.



every once in a while
my oldest grandbaby, three and a half,

spends the night at nonnie and papa's house.

when he does, it goes something like this.....

asher and nonnie go to bed and lay there having conversations about dinosaurs (especially t-rex) and mountains......cars, rocks, bugs, his little sister, mommy, daddy, so many "aMinals" and whatever his flashlight might shine on or conjure up in his mind of make believe.....

and eventually we fall asleep.

sometime in the night asher is suddenly stirring

and i am in tune with any movement that his little body makes.....

i wake from sleep to see his little eyes focused squarely on me...

immediately, a huge smile begins to spread across his sleep kissed face....

like he was just given his favorite toy.....

he snuggles in closer and reaches for my ear.....

the smile still lingering on his little angel face, he drifts back to sleep.

my heart swells

i.am.loved.

living........at 64

"Don't regret getting older 

it is a privilege denied many"

i am turning 64 soon.

I've had trouble remembering if it is 64 or 65.

but it's 64.

"will you still need me, will you still feed me, when i'm 64....

that kind of 64."

and i'm good with that.

Bryan and I were on a walk the other day,
 and started talking....
and out of this conversation came this statement: 
 "We made a lot of hard, adventurous decisions". 
 And it is so true.
  Sometimes we just live day to day,
 and forget what courage it took
 for us to make certain decisions in our life,
 that lead to different paths on this journey.....
that made us who we are today...
and lead us to this place!

i am living.

when i was little

i'm not sure how i lived.

i have recollection of lots of time

with my imagination in full bloom.

and i was happy.

in my preteens and teens

i have memories of so many great friends,

doing well in school,

and lots of activities and fun times

and i was happy.

i got married at 20

and had 5 children in a span of 7 years

and in all the chaos 

 i was happy.

Bryan and i spent busy days

creating a family and all that means

in every aspect;

and we were happy.

we raised children 

and we were happy.

we became in-laws

and we were happy.

and then we became papa and nonnie

and we were so happy.

life has brought situations that have 

been out of our control

and we have grieved.

we have seen grand-babies born

and rejoiced with each birth.

we have seen struggles

that have helped us grow and learn

and the results have

made us happy.

we are far from having seen it all

but what makes us happy

is living.

i have a wonderful relationship with my daughters

and grands

and that makes me so happy

sometimes

life is overwhelming

chaotic

and

heart breaking.

 that is life.

and we are living it.

so as i soon begin my 64th trip around the sun

i want to: 

watch more sunsets

swim more in the sea

stay in the know with my kids 

and grands

take risks

listen to great music
wear my bathing suit more

overcome fears

take the trip

give anxiety the boot

appreciate each day

be kind, but take no sh*#

exercise

stay aware

have compassion

grow

read

listen
write/journal more

have conversations 
have more conversations with strangers

realize that time is limited
and
moments are happening now

create more

reminisce

travel

be grateful

laugh!

let go

be open

play more

worry less
wear whatever i want

be helpful

and say yes....

yes to more experiences 

with my love

knowing 

growing older

is a privilege

denied to many.

i am so thankful 

for my life

and all i have seen,

and experienced

and been a part of,

it's been amazing.

i could write a book.

heck

maybe i will.

The faint sweet smell of the fields carried for miles.

i was at Trader Joe's a few days ago.

it's my place for flowers.

so i bought a few simple, sweet bouquets

and every day this week, the fragrance from

these flowers

has given me a pause for times before

to one of my favorite memories growing up in Phoenix.

the Japanese Gardens.

we would go for a drive along baseline road 

(we lived close..48th street between McDowell and Van Buren streets)

we would roll the windows down and OH MY......

the fragrance of all the stock was overwhelming to the senses

(in a good way)

and the color was a sight for the eyes.

thankful for moments that take us back in time

to days that were simpler, beautiful and a part of our tapestry.

~a bit of history~

"On Baseline Road and 38th Street there’s a flower shop filled with colorful arrangements. This is not any ordinary shop. It sits on the site of an original Japanese flower garden. It was a Phoenix attraction that caught the attentions of tourists for decades.The flowers like sweet peas, calendulas, and other annuals grown on Baseline Road supplied much of the country.

Throughout the 1960s and ’70s the flower farms were a tourist attraction, 

They were noted for their fragrance and the surprise of color 

in the middle of the brown desert.

 If Arizona brings to mind sand and heat, 

the Japanese flower gardens defied this expectation.

The gardens were located on Baseline Road, 

which initially divided the north and south portions of the city.

 A 16-block stretch, the fields turned the desert into a blanket

 of unexpected bright fuchsia, light yellow, off-white,

 pale pink and violet-lavender.

In spring, driving west along Baseline Road

 from 48th through 32nd Street, you would pass field after field 

of colorful, long-stemmed flowers called stocks;

 kale; sweet peas the color of jelly beans;

 and flowering purple-gray cabbages.

 The faint sweet smell of the fields carried for miles.
  Many today don’t 
know the history of the Japanese-Americans in south Phoenix,
 but every once in a while someone will stop in to reminisce
 and share a memory of the gardens and the farmers
 who turned rocks and dirt into a destination spot.
 In Japanese, we call this feeling natsukashi —“sweet memories.”